Today would have been our first ob appointment....

Except God had other plans.

July 26, 2010 that's when we found out. Mr. Fish was excited, I was in awe but yep we were going to have one more.

Right away we put all of our blessings in God's hands...they are just on loan to us.

On August 18, 2010 God took our 4th blessing home. Due March 27, 2011. Her name would have been Joy.

We lost a great love. But for the sake of the kids not knowing we trudged on with our bright smiles and cried when they slept.

Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift. 2 Corinthians 9:15

Our girl V turns 10...

It is unbelievable to me that 10 years ago today Dory made me a Mommy and Mr. Fish a Daddy. In 10 years I have made countless mistakes, wiped tears, cleaned scrapes and loved more than I ever thought possible.

Dory was in God's plan but not in ours. She was a surprise blessing. Born just 24 short hours before my own birthday. It was the greatest birthday ever when I turned 26.

We brought her home from the hospital in a burning hot car because we didn't think babies should be in a/c :) We have tried and failed as parents and learned lessons you can not imagine. I always tell her thanks for being our trainer....because it is the oldest that paves the way for the others!

This past week has been one of the most challenging weeks of my life. I'm not ready to share yet but soon I will. Everytime I needed her support without knowing she would give me just what I needed....a hug, a kiss, a note, a smile. She has a sixth sense that is unbelievable....when you need her, she is there without even knowing she is doing good.

I can't believe tomorrow I am going to be 36 years old. The age my mother was when she had me. In high school at my track meet a girl said....oh that was nice of your Grandma to come. Looking back, I should have punched her :) Just kidding. I am happy to be 36, I am proud of the life that Mr. Fish and I have created together in the past 20 years. I am proud to be called Mommy and please know everyday I do my very best to take that job seriously. I wouldn't go back for anything. We have these battle wounds called life lessons. I have a lot of them under my belt.

How can I repay the Lord for all the good done for me? Psalm 116:12

Don't laugh at me...

I am watching High School Musical 3 with Dory and Crush while Nemo sleeps and Mr. Fish has gone out with friends.

I'm flashing back :) After we graduated from our high schools he **gasp** went away to college. I stayed at home and attended a local college. Troy and Gabrielle are in the treehouse talking about missing each other. It brings me back to when we took Mr. Fish to college and set his room up and then I....went home and he stayed :( Mr. Fish's sister let me borrow her End of the Road by Boyz to Men cd and that was the end. For 2 days I cried and cried. I was super annoying to Mr. Fish because really who wants to listen to their whiny girlfriend cry.

He is having the time of his life and I am living at home with my Mom. It was probably the hardest time in our dating life. Except for the year I decided to up and go to college in Oklahoma. That's another post.

Good night...I have to get back to my High School Musical marathon :)

Our third blessing...

What a kid! If we would have had 1,000 kids before him we still would have never been prepared. Really.

Or maybe I forgot about what a 21 month old boy is really like?

I get him out of bed in the morning and go to the bathroom....he comes in and says up and we have to sit on the toilet (me holding him) for at least 3 minutes why he babbles about dada and craca (Dory) and mimey (Crush).

I am reading a book in bed and he says to me....I play? I'm sorry you want to play with my Debbie Macomber book when our house looks like a daycare we have sooo many toys? Yep, I play?

I pour myself a glass of water. He says....I bite? What? You want a bite of my water? Yes, I bite?

Crush taught him how to line up pillows and jump from our blanket box. He sometimes jumps on a pillow smaller than his head, that hurts his head. He usually gets all of the pillows/cushions off of the couch and jumps once that happens. And then he counts.....one, two, three come out sounding more like voo, jus, ran or something like that.

I am taking in every moment of these last few days of summer break and enjoying this sweet fella who will be in a deep depression when his favorite 2 toys head off to school in just a few days.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth....store up treasures in heaven....for where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. Matthew 6:19-21

This belly....

( these pictures were STOLEN from Natalie Janette at www.onceuponacline.com )

Ok so last night Natalie and her lovely husband Aaron came over for dinner. I am trying to help her as I know what it is like to be 4,000 months pregnant in the hot summer. So I want to offer her something to drink....

~Diet pepsi cherry....no caffeine!

~Grape Crystal Light....no aspertame!

~Sierra Mist....no sugar!

~Tap water....chemicals?

~Bottled water....was in car, will she get cancer?

In the end I told her to drink something when she gets home, not on my watch :)

Gosh I can't wait to meet their sweet baby and I promise to be the best Great Aunt (and no I am not 100 years old) that I can possibly be! And the blessings they have promised to be the best Aunts/Uncles they can also, even though they will actually be 2nd cousins (which seems so distant for how close we all are).

In the end none of these labels matter....just one healthy, very healthy, very wonderful, very perfect little Cline girl.

Oh and your Great Aunt CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU!

Stupid library.

We are library people. We go at least twice a week in the summer and stay for awhile. We get movies, books, books on tape, CD's, etc. We are on a fixed income most of the summer and all of the winter and gives us a place to getaway for free.

Go into the library today specifically to re-rent a movie that we just returned but didn't get to watch. I got myself a Debbie Macomber (my favorite author) book and life was good. Yes Fish was being vocal....MAMA!....COOL!....GUYS!....but not for long, just would yell things out. We were there 45 minutes and his combined loud talking couldn't have equalled more than 30 seconds.

We teach our kids manners. Everywhere we go they know what is expected from them. They would never yell or scream or hit or fight in the library....they know better.

Fast forward to November 2008 when I give birth to the most vocal child alive...the life of the party! Always talking. Spends at least 1/2 of church not in the actual church every week. You see my point? My kid is LOUD! But we all account for this and just spend less time in quiet places.

I know this is out of order, stupid blogger, stupid me can't think and type because I am SO ANGRY!

I was approached by the manager. Fish was silent. She whispers to...yea, we have had several complaints about your child (I honestly think oh great which one). She says that she is going to need me to either silence him (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) or leave. I say are you kidding? Is this a joke? He is not laying on the ground throwing a tantrum he is talking every 4 minutes with a one word shout. So I say...I will take my children and we will leave (left all 40 items we were going to check out right there for her) and we will probably not come back until he is old enough to understand "indoor voice." Yes she actually wants me to have a conversation with my 20 month old explaining to him about his indoor voice. BAHBAHBAHBAH! I asked her if she had children and she said yes, but I think she may have been lying.

We will just start going to the main library in Merrillville....they don't care what you do there.

And then I cried. And then I called my husband and he laughed at me for crying. And then I came home and tweeted that I was PISSED! Not so much a cusser so you can see that I AM PISSED!

Feelings hurt, hangs head in defeat, cries some more, wonders what she is gonna do with these kids for the rest of the summer.

Being a parent to a extremely vocal child, well sometimes, it sucks.

I struggle...

Boy that is an understatement!

First of all....Happy 20 YEAR dating anniversary to Mr. Fish! Yep 20 years ago yesterday he asked me to be is girlfriend in the doorway at my Mom's house. Then he gave me his baseball jersey, then he kissed me on the cheek. As I watched him pull out of the driveway I said to myself....that man is gonna be my husband one day! Yea me :) Anyhow we had a great time last night at the country club and oh my gosh the food was unbelievable! So thankful for good friends who celebrate our small marriage victories with us. As our friend Jeff said last night....we could be celebrating a divorce so we should celebrate every milestone :) Love them all! Great friends!

I struggle daily with the working Mom from home role. Do I clean or bill? Do I go to the park or run credit cards? Do I go to the zoo or make money for my employer?

We moved to this side of Indiana in January of 2000. We just found out 3 weeks before moving that Dory would be joining our family :) We both work for the same company. I worked in the office from 1/2000-11-2008 when we had Nemo. I was then given a great opportunity, working from home. No daycare all summer for the bigs, Nemo has never even seen a daycare. After Mr. Fish and I talked it over we decided it would be perfect for me to work from home. I was thankful and appreciative and felt so blessed! Summer 2009 was absolute perfection, I would my balance and it worked great! I felt awesome about always being with the kids and again that Nemo never had to go to daycare is amazing! I have always been able to adapt to situations, but this one...not so much. Fast forward to Summer 2010. YIKES! The bigs are bigger and need to be more places and are involved in more and want everything :) Nemo is mobile and running and jumping and swinging and can't stay put. I used to be able to make a call for work and they could hold him back and happy....now not so much! Lots of time when I am on the phone with a customer he is on my lap chewing on the staple remover or writing on my desk with Sharpies!

This is my dilemma...how do I balance this all? How do I do all the housework (THERE IS A LOT!) and entertain 3 children interested in completely different things, maintain a full time job and still be smiling at the end of the day when Mr. Fish comes home from work. The answer is I DON'T and I HAVEN'T! I am crying a lot and yelling more and inches from a nervous breakdown daily.

So this is my call for saving! Grandma please take these kids for the weekend! Yep even Nemo who has never been away from me overnight. I need a break, I need to recharge. I need to remember how blessed I am and absence DEFINITELY makes the heart grow fonder! I went from room to room this morning sitting on their beds and looking at Nemo's crib thinking how many people in the world would give EVERYTHING to have 3 healthy, beautiful, smart children. And then I closed the door and walked out. Goal for tomorrow? Just being thankful for my life, because in a blink of an eye....it could all be gone.

Done feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for feeling sorry for myself. Ready to move on and make these last 30 days of this summer vacation awesome!

So thankful for this break and this chance to appreciate our blessings!

Enjoy this day! Praise the LORD for what you have and remember:

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you! Ain't that the truth :)