It scared the poop out of me!

This is how my day ended...

This is the way my day started...

This is my little hillbilly really hanging out in the back yard for the first time.

This is what changed Crush from happy this morning to scared to death tonight...

Yep. It is a dead raccoon. It is singly the most nasty thing I have ever seen in my life. I was in our shed (farmhouse is what the kids call it). I decided today after mowing to get in there and see if there were bikes etc that Nemo could be playing on. I was cleaning away everything was fine. Do you see that blanket just to the left of the carcass? Yep, I touched it. Than I ran screaming out of the shed crying hyperventilating. The bigs tried to comfort me, told me it was ok. I almost vomitted. Just to tell you how bad and nasty it was we asked 5 grown men for help but they wouldn't do it. Finally our neighbor Paul stepped up and helped us. We will be making him some chocolate chip cookies tomorrow! So now Crush is so scared of what he saw in that shed that while I was in the shower he came and set on the toilet seat. Just a thought...you might want to check your sheds for dead animals :)

Good night.

Would you pray?

For Nemo's best friend Stellan? Thanks!

It is not my story to tell...

Tonight I am just heart broken. Just like the title says...it is not my story to tell. Life is fragile, handle with prayer. I have seen it a million times and still take it for granted, life that is. We are not guaranteed tomorrow. How do you wrap your mind around that? How do I stop yelling about Legos or Barbies strung about my house and just embrace them because by doing that I am embracing Dory and Crush. How do I schedule time right in the middle of my OH MY GOSH crazy days and say you know what...count your blessings. Thank God every minute of every day that your normal is your normal and that your child is not going to Boston for a possible pacemaker at 9 months old. I'm just so sad. This week has been emotionally exhausting. I thought on Monday we were going to say goodbye to Stellan and he has made a most wonderful turn about! Today I said goodbye to someone I didn't know but loved very much. I refuse to doubt God but sometimes I don't understand, I don't pretend to try and understand. My heart hurts, I'm all cried out. Tonight when you lay down your blessings give them one extra kiss and then point your head to the sky and thank God! I know I am on my way now to my blessings.
That's it.
Good night.

Praying for Stellan!!

Life is a beach

So thankful to have us all back together again! It was a long 12 days! We got to the beach first and were there about 1/2 hour when Mr. Fish yells...they are here!! Both of the kids came running to us and gave hugs and kisses. It just isn't the same when we are not together, something is missing. Tonight I will sleep like a baby (as long as Nemo sleeps like a baby) knowing we are all in one place...together.

Back together...thank you Jesus!

Crush playing football wih Daddy!

Niki, Alex and kids

Dory...who didn't change ONE BIT on vacation :)

Boys only because Dory would not get in the picture.

Crush cried himself to sleep because he missed his cousin J.

Dory cried herself to sleep because she missed her Grandma who was at the beach but I didn't get any pictures of her.

The laundry. Don't worry by the morning it will all be clean and in drawers :)

I may be a little biased but....

This is one cute kid!

Crush brings them to their knees!

Yep...he is my son! He is a riot, his dancing, air guitar playing, singing self. And boy do I miss him.

These pictures are from a couple of weeks ago when Crush's best friend stayed over, she just happens to be a girl. He tells me, "Mom she is just the funnest person I know and it is ok with me that she is a girl." Thanks son for accepting her and loving her even though she is a girl :)

Enjoy your kids today! Maybe a little extra hug and kiss because I can't hug and kiss mine for 2 more days? Thanks :)

Sometimes things just don't go my way!

Well isn't it funny how we envision things and they just don't happen? I had this post all planned out. What I would say and where I would insert pictures. How I would talk to you about how much I missed the bigs last week and how I was so happy to be reunited with them for about 10 minutes until Dory and her sassy mouth kicked in...I don't have to unload the car because I didn't even bring anything. When given the chance to sleep without her sleeping bag, pillow and fresh clothes she quick changed her tune.

I lie awake on Saturday night for at least 2 hours after the 3 blessings and I retired at 12 a.m. Ohio time. I waited on Mr. Fish for awhile and had a little bout of RLS and then I was hot. Then I started thinking...and that really messed me up. My sister Monica and her husband own this beautiful piece of property in Ohio. We go there about 3 or 4 times a year for different events in their town. We always pop a tent. So they built us a log cabin. It is so lovely and could you think of anything nicer to do for someone? The kids love it, we love it! We call it the house of Fish (us not actual fish). So I was listening to Crush grind his teeth and Dory talk in her sleep and Nemo's heavy breathing and thought that in the not so distant future they won't live for these kind of adventures. They will beg to stay at home to be with friends and Mr. Fish and I will end up on our Ohio excursions just the 2 of us. So before all of that happens I will lie awake and breath in every ounce of these little people and cherish the memories we are making.

Now a photo journal that starts today and goes through Friday night :) I haven't really got the hang of this yet.



Wreckin' havoc all over the place...that single little white object called...

Nemo's 1st tooth!!

No one to play with around here so Tigger it is :)

So maybe I did over pack just a little...yep we were able to fit all 3 kids in there with seatbelts and car seats :)

Mr. Fish gave Crush his baseball jersey to wear with our hometown and last name...yikes...no bloggy pictures for Crush. When I realized I took this and he looks super happy :)

Monica's neighor Katelyn and Dory...they are best friends :)

My sister Monica, the hostess with Nemo.

Our cabin from the inside looking out towards the pond.

Our cabin from the doorway looking in.

This little guy got everyone up BRIGHT AND EARLY!

Mr. Fish and Dory shared a bed...but someone jumped on it over and over before bed so in the morning they were just on the cabin floor :)

We made her take a picture with us :)

Mr. Fish and Heather's husband Steve.

A and his Godmother, my sister Heather.

When Crush and his cousin get together they love to read. Crush is always reading and sharing his books with his cousin who also is our neighbor.

A and his Godfather, my brother Tony

My best friend Jill. We have been friends since our freshman year in high school, so 21 years...WOW!

Me and my Mr. Fish...love that guy and his big smiles :)

My friend Billie Jo, she has scleroderma. She just turned 37 on Sunday.

We are going to Ohio!

Our big kids left with Payton on Tuesday. We will be getting them back tonight and spending the weekend with them in Ohio. On Sunday afternoon we are going to drop them off at Mr. Fish's Mom's house. Most of their stuff is already there except their sleeping bags and pillows for camping. Mr. Fish thinks I over pack but we have never been on a vacation that I haven't had everything our blessings need :)

Have a great weekend!

My girl V and our life together.

I just had a nice long talk and cry with V. She has been sassy lately and it is getting old fast. I was inspired today by @mommyinstincts and her post http://www.mommyinstincts.com/2009/05/it-wont-be-like-this-for-long.html . I grabbed her and we sat and watched the video and cried and cried. I cried because I told her that soon she will think I know nothing and have no idea about her life. But for now she just likes to talk back. I have never seen this kind of combination in any person I have met in my life. The girl is the most loving thing ever and then she turns and starts the head shaking you are crazy talk.

When Dory (V) was little she had colic. She was our firstborn and we had NO IDEA about colic or how to stop the crying. I remember one specific night Mr. Fish and I just cried right along with her. She did this for about 2 months. Every night from 5-9 p.m. She would scream and scream and not even stop to eat. Then I would call Mr. Fish and say...when are you coming home...he would stay at work longer just so he didn't have to deal with it :) We knew then she would be a challenge.

I look in her beautiful brown eyes and she her strawberry blond hair and her perfectly patterned freckles and see nothing but God's glory. Through this child he has taught me about never ending, amazing love and patience like I never thought I would have (although I could use a little more!) It's a miracle, if you ask me, how God know exactly what we need. All 5 of us just somehow seem to make our family circle. We are a team and we stick together like a team. If one of us falls the others will stop and help that person up.

That is what being a family is about. In good or bad, sickness or health we are there for each other! When Mr. Fish and I started dating 19 years ago this month little did we know where our lives would take us. I would have bet you a million dollars that it wouldn't have been our little house in northwest Indiana with 3 unbelievable blessings. But then...God knows the plans right?

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. " Jeremiah 29:11

Must live by this scripture, note to self!

My first blog post ever...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Natalie Grant wrote this song, for this purpose, so people would feel like I do. My Mom's friend Julie died yesterday after battling a brain tumor, etc. Sad. I think this line says it all:

And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

I just can't help but think how it would be this morning to wake up and see the face of Jesus. Julie, enjoy your first day in heaven I know my Mom misses you but you are exactly where you belong.

Thanks to Mariah at www.mariahannette.com for my blogover! She did a great job for not a lot of money and it is exactly what I wanted. She does great work!!

A is in bed and has woken up at least 5 times because of the fireworks...I am glad we didn't go! Also we walked to the end of our street and we could see them perfectly. God works in mysterious ways...now if we could all just learn to trust, right?

Good night and Happy 2nd of July :)